i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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