i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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