I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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