New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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