i was born a porn star she said
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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