The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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