Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
