i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
