I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
