all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
