no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
