Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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