omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
