maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
