do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
