She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
