Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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