my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
