I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
