From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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