She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
