The maid of honor just puked.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
