This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
