He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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