When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
