so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
pray to the hookup gods
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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