Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
