FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
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