Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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