I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
