Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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