come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
