I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
