the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
