I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
