capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
