that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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