WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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