I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
