i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
