What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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