Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
