After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My balls are so social today.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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