Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
