So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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