Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
