Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just high enough for therapy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
