Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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