were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
