So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
