:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
