I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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