She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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