Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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