and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
