Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
