he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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