When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
