Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
