Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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