His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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