Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
