Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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