And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize