I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
