They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
