I cannot find my penis.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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