do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
