so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
