apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
