im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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