Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
