porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
