dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
