I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
