sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he quoted the bible to break up with me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
