If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
