If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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