I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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