Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
