can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
